What am I to you?
by firelight3000
Summary: Just a short piece on what Cara thinks about her relationship with Kahlan. Please R and R


_A/N: Hi guys, this is my first attempt at getting into Cara's head and truthfully I think it failed. :( So I'd love to know what you guys think and whether it actually sounds like Cara at all._

I can see it in your eyes; I can see it loud and clear in those watery depths, as if you were yelling it for the whole world to hear. But you and I both know that only I see it, only I see that look. That look that's so full of hatred that I wonder what I've done to you to make you hate me so much, but then I remember, I remember the day I killed you sister, the day you became the last of your kind.

But you see Confessor; it wasn't me who killed her. All right it was my arm that drove that agiel into her heart, I cannot deny that, but I was mealy the vessel. Darken Rahl gave the order to kill her, and I just did what I was told.

You believe I am in the wrong to follow orders, to bow down to someone? Why am I even asking, of course you believe that, you are the Mother Confessor, you take orders from no man. You have kings grovelling at you feet, a whole empire in the palm of your hand, and an army of love struck slaves ready to do your bidding.

You, Kahlan Amnell, are top of the food chain.

I should hate you, Mother Confessor, I should spit when I hear your name ..."Kahlan" but I don't, and I'm only beginning to realise why. You see Mother Confessor, in many ways we are the same. I use your title now as this is the part of you I am referring to, the Confessor. You think that Mord'Sith and Confessors are different, but fundamentally we are the same. We are both groups of women who force men to do our biding, one way or another. The only real difference is the way we acquire this power. You and all like you are born with this magic, passed on from mother to daughter in the soul. You are born, not created, Mord'Sith are creations of the House of Rahl. We are taken from our families as children, tortured into submission and then used as warriors for the good of D'Hara.

You must feel something for me Kahlan, some shred of pity for my past. After all, you were tortured as a child, weren't you?

Don't lie to me Kahlan, I know what happened with your father, I know what he did to you. I know what it's like to be you; that scared child unable to scream or fight back, for fear of hurting the ones you love most. That's another thing we have in common Kahlan we've both hurt the ones we love, even now you are punishing him, hurting him, for doing something as simple as loving you.

At least I've stopped, at least I ended his suffering. You see Kahlan, when I killed my father, I thought he'd betrayed me, I thought he'd sold my sister to the monsters that had me so I lashed out and killed him. I killed my own father and I felt nothing, no remorse no pain, nothing, just an empty place where my heart had once resided. But you can understand that, can't you Kahlan after all you were the one who took the wrath of you father upon yourself to protect your sister. Except you were different to me, you didn't lash out, you kept your head down and let the beatings come as they did.

That is where we differ Kahlan Amnell, you love, I hate. You were unable to kill you father because you loved him. Curiously this emotion, this love, makes you stronger in a way I cannot comprehend. Although one thing I do understand is how it makes you weak. Your love for Richard is your greatest strength, but it is also your greatest weakness. It brings you pain to know you can never be together, never grow old together or have children with him and I cannot comprehend why you would put yourself through this if it pains you so. I understand the need for pain Kahlan, as I know it is the fundamental feeling that connects all life, the one thing we can all understand. But what I cannot understand is this pain you put yourself through for something that can never be.

I suppose that is why we can never truly understand each other, I can never understand your love and you can never appreciate the workings of a Mord'Sith and for that I am grateful. For it means I will forever be on your mind, until one day you realise what I am trying to tell you now, that actually I am not the monster you think I am.

One day you will realise that I am simply Cara, your eternal friend.


End file.
